By Christina Janzen (Talk to Me)
“I'm so glad you are all here together so I can speak to each and every one of you. There is so much I want to...no need to say to you.”
“First of all, I want every one of you to know how much I love you. I have never been good with words...I stumble over them and they usually escape when I need them the most. I want to try to express to each of you what I feel God has written on my heart.”
“Grandpa...you were always the best grandfather any little boy could hope for. I remember well how much fun we had digging up worms and baiting our hooks and you teaching me all the intricacies and secrets of fishing. You were always so patient with me. I know I was a handful, but you were always kind and taught me by example, how to be kind and gentle, yet strong and tough. I know in the past few years I haven't come to see you like I should have. Grandma got sick and you were out there by the lake all alone. I should have come to check on you more. I should have made time to fish with you like you did with me. I'm sorry Grandpa. I never took the time to thank you for all the love and time you invested into my life. I want you to know it wasn't wasted. I may have been focused on other things for a while, but deep inside I always remembered the lessons you taught me. I learned everything I know about being a man of integrity from you, and I want to thank you personally.
“Mom, there's some things I really need to say to you too.. You and me, we've always been like oil and water, but I hope you know I love you Mom. I never wanted to antagonize you or provoke you, but I had my own ideas about things and plenty of my own opinions. I was so stubborn and bull headed...I just didn't want to hear anything you had to say. You know what though...you were right Mom, about so many things. I know I wore you out with worry over all the crap I pulled. I was just young and dumb and prideful. I have no excuses. You taught me right from wrong. You taught me to honor my parents and I didn't. I went against everything you tried to teach me. I've been belligerent and disrespectful and rebellious. I never even came close to treating you with the respect you deserve. I am so sorry for that”
“Mama, I want you to know I've turned my life around and I finally got things right with the Lord like you always encouraged me to. I know you've always prayed for me, and believe me, I've felt those prayers. I know they are what carried me through when I was weak, and gave me direction when I was confused. I always felt God's hand of protection on me. I owe that to you Mom...thank you for always pointing me in the right direction. I am living to make you proud of me...I want to make it up to you for all the years I wasted and all the worry I caused you. I love you Mom.”
“Bobby...you and me been best friends since pee wee league. We've been through broken bones and broken promises and broken hearts. Through it all you were always right there with me. I am so ashamed that I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I just couldn't face you, man. I never expected to see the best quarterback on our team and my best buddy in a wheelchair. That whole night was a nightmare I can never seem to wake up from. It changed all of our lives. I didn't get hurt the way you did, but I felt like such a failure after that. I let everyone down...especially you. I should have been here to help you with your rehab and encourage you. You always encouraged me to be better, to try harder. I wish I would have where you were concerned...I just couldn't face you. I'm sorry Bob.”
I've had a lot of time to think the past few years...nothing but time to relive these moments and think about all the ways I went wrong. What if I would have just given someone else my keys? Or what if I hadn't been drinking in the first place? And most of all...why you? I suck at football. It was everything to you. Why couldn't it have been me instead? You didn't deserve this, Bobby, you have always been the best athlete, the best student...the best friend anyone could have asked for. My thoughtlessness and recklessness changed your life forever...and your family's. I haven't been able to face them either. I wanted to start with you and say my piece. I will speak to them later. Can you please forgive me Bobby? I'm so sorry for everything that you lost because of me. If there was any way I could go back and change it, I would. But I can't... all I can do is ask for your mercy. Love ya brother.”
“Whew...well thank you all for hearing me out. I'm glad all of y'all are gathered here in one place so I could do this. I've been running from my mistakes for a long time. I'm just so tired of being sick and tired...I wanted to do what I could to set things right. It felt good saying those words...I've known I needed to say them to y'all for years now...I was just too selfish and prideful and stubborn and cowardly. That's all me...I'm not making any excuses...I've been a jack ass and I'm sorry.”
“But I promise you this, each and every one of you. I love you, I appreciate you, and I am going to do everything I can to make you all proud of me. Everyone of you believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. I can never thank you enough for that. You'll all see...I'm gonna be a better man now.”
“I think this is probably the most important conversation I've ever had, and I've wanted to have it for a long time. I've turned these words over and over in my mind so many times. I feel a lot better having said what I needed to say...in fact, I really wish I would have done this sooner...so I could say these words to your face and not just your gravestones.”
“I'm so glad you are all here together so I can speak to each and every one of you. There is so much I want to...no need to say to you.”
“First of all, I want every one of you to know how much I love you. I have never been good with words...I stumble over them and they usually escape when I need them the most. I want to try to express to each of you what I feel God has written on my heart.”
“Grandpa...you were always the best grandfather any little boy could hope for. I remember well how much fun we had digging up worms and baiting our hooks and you teaching me all the intricacies and secrets of fishing. You were always so patient with me. I know I was a handful, but you were always kind and taught me by example, how to be kind and gentle, yet strong and tough. I know in the past few years I haven't come to see you like I should have. Grandma got sick and you were out there by the lake all alone. I should have come to check on you more. I should have made time to fish with you like you did with me. I'm sorry Grandpa. I never took the time to thank you for all the love and time you invested into my life. I want you to know it wasn't wasted. I may have been focused on other things for a while, but deep inside I always remembered the lessons you taught me. I learned everything I know about being a man of integrity from you, and I want to thank you personally.
“Mom, there's some things I really need to say to you too.. You and me, we've always been like oil and water, but I hope you know I love you Mom. I never wanted to antagonize you or provoke you, but I had my own ideas about things and plenty of my own opinions. I was so stubborn and bull headed...I just didn't want to hear anything you had to say. You know what though...you were right Mom, about so many things. I know I wore you out with worry over all the crap I pulled. I was just young and dumb and prideful. I have no excuses. You taught me right from wrong. You taught me to honor my parents and I didn't. I went against everything you tried to teach me. I've been belligerent and disrespectful and rebellious. I never even came close to treating you with the respect you deserve. I am so sorry for that”
“Mama, I want you to know I've turned my life around and I finally got things right with the Lord like you always encouraged me to. I know you've always prayed for me, and believe me, I've felt those prayers. I know they are what carried me through when I was weak, and gave me direction when I was confused. I always felt God's hand of protection on me. I owe that to you Mom...thank you for always pointing me in the right direction. I am living to make you proud of me...I want to make it up to you for all the years I wasted and all the worry I caused you. I love you Mom.”
“Bobby...you and me been best friends since pee wee league. We've been through broken bones and broken promises and broken hearts. Through it all you were always right there with me. I am so ashamed that I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I just couldn't face you, man. I never expected to see the best quarterback on our team and my best buddy in a wheelchair. That whole night was a nightmare I can never seem to wake up from. It changed all of our lives. I didn't get hurt the way you did, but I felt like such a failure after that. I let everyone down...especially you. I should have been here to help you with your rehab and encourage you. You always encouraged me to be better, to try harder. I wish I would have where you were concerned...I just couldn't face you. I'm sorry Bob.”
I've had a lot of time to think the past few years...nothing but time to relive these moments and think about all the ways I went wrong. What if I would have just given someone else my keys? Or what if I hadn't been drinking in the first place? And most of all...why you? I suck at football. It was everything to you. Why couldn't it have been me instead? You didn't deserve this, Bobby, you have always been the best athlete, the best student...the best friend anyone could have asked for. My thoughtlessness and recklessness changed your life forever...and your family's. I haven't been able to face them either. I wanted to start with you and say my piece. I will speak to them later. Can you please forgive me Bobby? I'm so sorry for everything that you lost because of me. If there was any way I could go back and change it, I would. But I can't... all I can do is ask for your mercy. Love ya brother.”
“Whew...well thank you all for hearing me out. I'm glad all of y'all are gathered here in one place so I could do this. I've been running from my mistakes for a long time. I'm just so tired of being sick and tired...I wanted to do what I could to set things right. It felt good saying those words...I've known I needed to say them to y'all for years now...I was just too selfish and prideful and stubborn and cowardly. That's all me...I'm not making any excuses...I've been a jack ass and I'm sorry.”
“But I promise you this, each and every one of you. I love you, I appreciate you, and I am going to do everything I can to make you all proud of me. Everyone of you believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. I can never thank you enough for that. You'll all see...I'm gonna be a better man now.”
“I think this is probably the most important conversation I've ever had, and I've wanted to have it for a long time. I've turned these words over and over in my mind so many times. I feel a lot better having said what I needed to say...in fact, I really wish I would have done this sooner...so I could say these words to your face and not just your gravestones.”